Uh Oh. | maryryan's Blog
Yesterday, DH and I were at his urologist's for a post-surgical check-up. At the end of the appointment, DH asked the doctor if he was the person he would see for other urological issues he was having. The doctor asked for a little more information and DH stumbled over stating an issue or two; and one of the issues he mentioned was...
I asked DH if he wanted me to leave the room (God forbid we talk about ED between us) and he said no, he and the doctor would meet on this another time.
Does this mean he is thinking about trying to resume our sex life???
I have such mixed feelings.
On one hand, I was very touched that he would want to try after all of this time. Not too long ago, he became aware that I have engaged in extramarital activity. He was shocked (SHOCKED, I tell you!) that I would go "outside of the marriage" for sex. I asked him how fair it was for him to hold my sexuality hostage...that he didn't want to have sex with me, but didn't want anyone else to have sex with me either. I told him that I was sorry if I hurt him, as that wasn't the intent...but that overall I wasn't sorry that I had done it because I needed to do it for myself; to understand myself as a woman after all of the years he has rejected me. His possible interest in having sex life now is bittersweet in the face of this discussion.
On the other hand, I fear that the sex we end up having will be routine and dispassionate; in addition to feeling like 'duty sex'. The train may have left the station...
Well, we all know that thinking and doing are two different things, so I will see where this goes.
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