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maryryan's Blog


Happy 3rd Anniversary

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My Horoscope...Week of 12/27/12


...from Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology

  
"For years, the gravestone of Irish dramatist Oscar Wilde was covered with kiss-shaped lipstick marks that were left by his admirers. Unfortunately, Wilde's descendants decided to scour away all those blessings and erect a glass wall around the tomb to prevent further displays of affection. In my astrological opinion, Leo, you should favor the former style of behavior over the latter in 2013. In other words, don't focus on keeping things neat and clean and well-ordered. On the contrary: Be extravagant and uninhibited in expressing your love for the influences that inspire you -- even at the risk of being a bit unruly or messy. "

(Somehow, this doesn't seem different from the way I live my life daily...just confirms the direction in which I am headed)


The Wisdom of Youth

A friend's son said this a number of years ago (he was actually pretty little then).  I keep a handwritten copy of it next to my desk and look at it when I need a little perspective:

"Sometimes we are sorted and sometimes we are not,
Sometimes we are broken and sometimes we are fixed"

This helps my friend and I remember that all things shall pass and we're likely holding up better than we think we are during difficult times.

-MR

A Quick Update

I'm still recuperating.

I have not felt much like writing or reading. Reality TV has seeped through my brain; I had to watch two episodes of "Dog the Bounty Hunter" to neutralize all of the dress-finding, wedding-planning shows I've been watching. Saturday, November 3rd was the first time I had TRULY felt like myself - like i would get my life back - since my surgery on Sept 12th.

I will blog all that I've gone through, but I'm just not there yet.

I don't have a lot to say about my SM right now, either; at least not much that hasn't been said before. It's a confusing time; DH and I have constantly been in sick bay...his cancer. His vertigo. My surgery. We just got his one-year clear cancer report...but he is facing another surgery to repair a skin defect as a result of his cancer surgery. The illnesses and caretaking has
changed and bonded us differently. Extricating myself will take some additional sorting. Or perhaps we'll run, screaming, away from each other. But we both need to be well first; between the two of us, we can barely keep up the house, though I am getting stronger now. So, I am here for a while, gang.

In the affairs department, my 1/2 a man and I have drifted apart, which was inevitable. I have seen my local guy once to test things out. He just isn't putting the effort into it that I'd like to see, so he shall reap what he sowed, which is a bit lame. I am seeing The Professor this week and we are both pretty excited, as it will be two months to the day since we've been together. We've e-mailed a bit; we communicate mainly through long emails that are more like letters. Of course, his Clavin/MacGyver-like knowledge encompasses much of what I've needed to learn during my recovery and he gently has been making recommendations to me (and he is almost always clued into what I need, along with being correct).

So that's it for me, for now. I'll make a few comments here and there and chime in when I can. I have a lot of catching up to do and I hope to see what my friends have been up to for the past two months. Keeping up has been, and is still a little difficult. But I care and want to know how y'all are doing...

Update

I've been pretty scarce on EP over the past few weeks. It's because I had my surgery. I just haven't been up to spendng a lot of time online...plus, the narcotics mean I'm even less comprehensible than usual.

Although the recovery has been rough, I am feeling good at the core and I know i will do well in the long run.

I owe some of you correspondence and I appreciate your patience with the time it may take me to respond.

Love you all...

XO

-MR

I Need No More Than What We Have

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The State of Affairs - 2012 Mid-Year Report

Months ago, I had told Wisi that I would do an update…well, better late than never.  I have had so much to say, yet it’s been difficult to write, as I have a lot going on IRL, along with the fact that I am not leaving my marriage at this moment…
 
In our last installment, my husband had come through his cancer surgery successfully in the fall of 2011.  He won the cancer equivalent of the lottery; his type of cancer tends not to metastasize and, as it’s only found in 3-6% of cancer patients, it’s very rare.  It has a 5-year survival rate of 90% and a 10-year survival rate of 80-90%.  The only treatment is surgery, so we were spared the hell of chemotherapy, immunotherapy, and/or radiation.  He continues to be cancer-free and we cautiously look forward to a clear one-year check-up at the end of September. 
 
One negative outcome from the surgery is that he is left with a “flank bulge”.  This is a common after-condition of the operation; it’s a weakening of the muscle wall at the waist, not a hernia, but like a herniated incision.  His bulge, unfortunately, is the size of a football.  Most of our health care providers have said “gosh, I’ve never seen one this big”.  Great.  It has been hard for him to get back to normal activity because of the swelling. He got a bowel obstruction from the pressure on his intestines.  We have had to purchase clothes one size larger.  And overall, it doesn’t help him feel good about himself.
 
In early 2012, he developed a severe case of vertigo.  He was only out of work for about two weeks but we spent months going to different specialists to find diagnosis and treatment; ENT, audiologist, vestibular rehab/physical therapy, neurologist…The diagnosis seems to be PPV or Phobic Postural Vertigo.  This is triggered by anxiety and appears to be seen in post-cancer treatment patients.  Great.  He did not drive for about three months and it continues to be debilitating and substantively limits his activity.  Many things can trigger it.  He drove over a couple of steeply-pitched bridges the other day and he was “off” for about 24 hours.
 
It’s been the year of walking on eggshells.  For a while, DH was scared of every ache and pain.  And he’s had reason to feel a bit fragile, but it will be difficult for both of us, together and individually to live this way long-term.  One of my former affair partners, who has become a ‘friend’, needed to speak with him recently about a professional matter (don’t ask).  I spoke with my former partner afterwards and he observed that DH is not very confident.  I agree with that and hadn’t really noticed that in this particular way.  I see it now in so many ways in which we live our life.  It is an odd dynamic for me.  I like my men pretty “alpha”; I’m drawn to power and accomplishment, which can take many forms.  DH is not that; his work is authoritative, but he leaves it at the office.  I am a strong woman, as you can imagine, and it’s likely that DH and I work too independently of each other.  Why?  I believe strongly that most whys don’t matter, but I have a hunch that this one does. 
 
I think that DH’s self-image contributes substantively to our sexlessness.  I believe that his ashamedness about sex is 10 times more about him than me, but honestly, this why does not matter; it simply an observation.  My immediate thought is…”get over it”.
 
 What we have been through this year has brought a new dynamic to our relationship.  I see him as much more vulnerable.  There is a different kind of intimacy.  I don’t feel sorry for him or us, but I do feel more tender towards him.  And I’m not angry about the sexlessness anymore; this is not necessarily a good thing, because it could keep me stuck. When you face someone’s death together you re-prioritize, consciously or not.  I think often of DeGuardDog and his anguish at the idea of his refuser dying.  Having a different kind of love in my life is still a wish for me, though. I fantasize about waking a man up in the morning with a blow job (and having him want it). I want to get an erection from looking at me while we're skinny dipping in our beautiful pool. I want someone who is going to cuddle and comfort me when I've had a horrible day at work.  In my fantasy world, I’d like DH to think that he would have emerged from this with a new zest for life…which includes allowing himself to feel lust and lust for me:  But I knew better than that.  He has been full of fear, but sweeter and more sensitive.  And while we both perceive that “we” had cancer as a family, there were many steps of this journey that he had walked alone.  If I had been him, I might well be anxious too.
 
I continue to "outsource" the sex function, even though DH now knows that I’ve been unfaithful.   As I had written in a previous blog post, he discovered some sexts when my phone alarm went off inadvertently. I admitted to infidelity when confronted and calmly outlined the reasons for it; thanks to ILIASM, I had the language to put my feelings and thoughts into words.   Had I not been caught off guard because I had just woken up, I don’t know that I would have admitted it.  I don’t think voluntarily offering the information is kind to your spouse; you may feel relieved (I did not) but they now feel the pain.  The worst part of this was that he made the discovery after his first night home from the hospital, and to me that was not just ironic, but also cruel.  Now that I know he “cares”, it’s a little harder to be so brazen about fooling around…but I can’t go back…the sexless genie is out of the bottle and is still making up for years of celibacy. If I’d have to choose between him and the affairs, I’d keep the affairs. I suspect that we are functioning under a “don’t ask, don’t tell” arrangement, but I don’t want to question it because then it no longer works as such.  Should he discover my activities in the future, I will once again defend them. 
 
I have had the same 2.5 men in my life for about a year (with one having been around for almost 2 years). The long term guy is The Professor (TP), of whom I write in my blog. He lives in a nearby city and we see each other every 3-4 weeks. The second is CG.  He lives in my city, but he works swing shift and getting together has been a challenge at times for a variety of reasons.  But he communicates with me daily and he is very sappy and romantic. That is different for me and feels nice.  I almost went too far with giving him my heart, but I caught myself in time because he has not yet shown me that he will take care of it the way that he should.  The .5 is Mr. F, someone that I only see rarely, as he lives several states away. He was supposed to have business that would bring him to my city regularly, but the arrangement was voided, so he doesn't have much occasion to come this way and travels internationally instead. We ended up being such good companions that we end up talking weekly and carry on as we can. It's a pity, but a fact. When it doesn't work for us anymore, we'll simply part, as it will be with each man. If/when that happens, I'm not sure if I'll find others or not. I take this day-by-day. The three of these men are reasonable and decent (well, as far as cheaters go) and I am maintaining a reasonable emotional distance and equanimity, while still feeling enough of an attachment to make each relationship worthwhile.
 
I have two main foci at the present time.  First, things at work are in shambles, given my family crises over the last few years and my own health struggles.  I just turned 51 and while I look and act young, impending peri-menopause and extreme stress have taken its toll on my intellectual resiliency and emotional regulation.  I am fortunate to be tenured, but that brings with it a structured set of governing procedures.  I have had to retain an attorney to help me navigate practicalities and to successfully strategize against my boss’ hostile actions.  Second, I am having surgery soon.  As I have said…I am a big girl and many days, I can barely move.  So I am having weight loss surgery.  I began this process in the summer of 2010, but had to stop in 2011 because of mom’s and DH’s illnesses.  At Xmas in 2011, both mom and DH said “you’ve taken care of us this year, now it’s your turn”.  And I’ve accepted that without question.  It’s another reason that I’m staying for now:  I am decompensated, physically, emotionally, and mentally and I am entitled to be taken care of, too.  It will be interesting to see if/how that happens.  DH said to me a number of times recently that he wanted to take care of me because I had taken such good care of him.  My eyes welled with tears (as they do often these days) and I said “There is only one good reason to take care of me…because you love me and don’t want to see anything happen to me.”  He simply hugged me and said nothing.  Not sure how I feel about that response…
 
Will I stay?  I don’t know.  And I need to take care of me before I decide. Yes, I know that some of you say that leaving IS taking care of me but not at this time.  It feels like I’d be throwing a Molotov cocktail into an already-smoking building.  I don’t have the emotional and physical reserves.  I was more out than in before June 2011.  I had seen an attorney in November 2010.  I had given him fair warning about fixing it or I’d leave (and that his lack of action wouldn’t be ignored this time) in Jan/Feb 2011. I had resolved that if he hadn’t taken action by June 2011, I’d launch. And then…
 
If you learn nothing else from my experience, know that waiting to leave is often not a good thing. I had a window of time where things were aligned…I was angry and had reason to be, I had a stable work environment, DH was drinking and nasty, Mom had a three-bedroom apartment for my temporary digs (lol).  Now, all of that is gone and any plan must be created anew. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll just…go.  But for now, there I am.

Divorce Advice

This was taken from a Redbook feature I saw online at Yahoo titled "Don't Even Think About Divorcing Until...".  Not all of the advice in the article spoke to me, but this anecdote did:


Don't divorce until... you've left no stone unturned. Before you end something, you need to make sure you can walk away saying, "We did everything we could do." I'm divorced, but my ex-husband and I, we're family. We're soul mates. "We're best friends. I think it takes as much work to have a happy divorce as it takes to have a happy marriage. You have to be respectful of the other person and what they're going through. You have to be insightful about your own issues, what you may be projecting onto that person. You have to stop making everything about how you feel. Before you think about getting divorced, you need to step outside yourself. Gain some distance. Establish a level of respect. Then work like hell at figuring out who you two were meant to be to each other. Maybe it's not a married couple. But obviously, your paths crossed; you developed feeling. Now find the shelf where it best fits."

- FRAN DRESCHER, CO-CREATOR AND STAR OF THE TV LAND SITCOM HAPPILY DIVORCED

Welcome to My World...

This blog is dedicated to Rucca...because this seems like something that would happen to her, too.


So I was in a big hurry to leave this morning. I didn't set the alarm last night, meaning DH and I overslept despite my needing to have him to physical therapy by 8 am.  We woke up at 7 am, were on the road by 7:45.  I got him there only 8 minutes late.

Anyway, our office is "casual" attire this week because the students are on spring break.  Running out the door, I threw on a pair of capri pants, grabbed my fancy-type Chucks to put on after we arrived, a pair of hoop earrings, my watch, and a tunic...a new one that I hadn't worn before.  I get into the car and I realize the neckline is completely gapped open, showing not only my cleavage, but also my leopard-print bra:

As I had a couple of students to see before lunch and because Boss Lady has been known to carp about seeing boobage, I knew I needed to fix this before I arrived to work.  So after dropping DH off at PT, I drove directly across the street to Wal-Mart, of course.  Only thing is, I arrived there to find...no Wal-Mart.  I quickly remembered that they just built a new Super Wal-Mart about 3 miles away.  I knew I only had about 30-45 minutes before I had to be back to pick DH up, so time was of the essence. I decided to head about a mile up the road to Target. I make a beeline to the Ladies' department in search of a tank top or a t-shirt so that I could cut it up and create some décolletage coverage.  I search the clearance racks because I don't want to spend $10 or 20 dollars for a piece of fabric that's about 6" square.  Plus, I got the tunic on sale for $4.54 a few weeks ago, so I didn’t want to invest a lot in this outfit.  I found nothing (except a cute sheer cardigan for $7).  I look in the children's department...and in activewear/sleepwear...searching for a $2-5 piece of clothing that's black.

Black.

Basic.

Nothing.

Crap.

I finally grab a $10 tee and head for the registers...but on the way, I pass the women's panties and realize the triangle shape of the crotch is the perfect insert for the neckline...and it has pretty lace trim and it's cotton, like the tunic.

Perfect.

$3.00 Perfect.

I also grab a $1.89 pair of scissors, plus the $10.89 baby cream I use on my lady parts, and continue on to the checkout.

I head to the family washroom, unwrap the scissors, cut the panty up and and realize that my safety pins are in my purse in the car.

So I tuck the fabric creatively into my leopard-print bra straps and run outside, hop in my truck, and drive quickly back to the PT facility.    While en route, I realize I'm 15 minutes over when I said I'd return...and DH and I both needed to get to work.  So here I am, driving with bare feet, naked breasts...and I'm late.   I park and quickly secure the triangle with my safety pins....

Perfect camouflage.

I had effectively covered the offending area.

Within about three minutes, DH came outside and got in the car.

Perfect timing.

It's 2 pm as I write this, but after my frantic morning...it feels more like 2 am.


Guilt

“Guilt is the price we pay willingly for doing what we are going to do anyway”
 -Isabelle Holland


The connection between guilt and affairs is often symbiotic:  You almost can’t discuss one without the other.  Most of you who know me also know that I am unapologetic about my affairs.  It’s not that I don’t have any shame or that I am a wanton woman (though, I am the very definition of that).  It’s just…well…

The conversation below is entirely excerpted from an e-mail I sent to The Professor today.  He is having a smidgen of guilt about our affair and we’re discussing it.  My section puts into words quite well why I don’t feel guilt about my dalliances:

 

TP to MR:   Do you get guilt feelings afterwards?  I had a less-than-perfect drive home dwelling on guilt. Don't know if that is the xxx healing (and being its usual self) or what.  I get over it.  Cognitively I know "if a man isn't treated 'right' at home, he will wander" is a fundamental truth. The almost reflexive responses are ... odd.

 

MR to TP:    I understand where you are coming from with the guilt; I do. 

I was faithful to DH for 24 years, despite our relationship being sexless for the last 17 of those (and counting) because I was afraid that guilt would consume me and destroy what we had built together.   By nature, I believe I am a devoted person, but I had never been with a man who didn't want to have lots of sex with me and I had no clue our sex life would vanish.  Prior to marriage things were satisfying enough, though I knew our libidos were somewhat mismatched.  Sex began declining on our honeymoon.  Over time I begged, pleaded, questioned; I cried buckets of tears, hiding so he wouldn't see my shame.  Then there were years where I was full of resentment and stewed quietly.  We went through eight rounds of in-vitro fertilization in an attempt to have a child...primarily because conceiving through intercourse was never an option.  I questioned myself as a person and subjugated my sexuality and femininity. I felt ashamed and hollow...that perhaps I didn't deserve to have someone appreciate my body...who would love a body like mine if my husband didn't?  All of it slowly whittled away at my quality of life.

When an old flame asked why the two of us "didn't work out"...I realized that maybe things could be different for me and set about a quest to resolve my situation. I knew that if things remained the way they were, I would go to my grave without having had sex again.  And the big Five-Oh was approaching...time was running out!

I have no guilt about our affair because I suffered for so long.   I believe completely that through his neglect, he relinquished his exclusive marital privileges. He had absolute rights to me for close to a quarter-century...half of my life and most of my adult life. But because he showed no interest in my gifts, I reclaimed my sexuality and I behave as I wish.

I have felt so much better since I've engaged in extramarital activity:  I feel like a whole person again, and certainly have rediscovered my femininity.  In many ways, my activity has been good for our marriage.  I am more patient with and loving to DH.  I no longer resent him for denying me what is both a physiological need and a transcendent human experience.   I don't struggle with the unrealistic expectation that he will be my sex partner.  However, I also believe that sex is food for marriage.  Without renewing intimacy through sex, you starve the conjugal organ system. The fall-out is that the sexlessness greatly diminished our marriage; our love is fraternal, rather than conjugal.  Unfortunate, but not of my doing.

I do feel a smidge of guilt about the mendacity inherent in an affair (mendacity...I love that word...I just had to use it).  I don't like lying to DH...but I am not being kind to him if I flaunt my activity.  At this point, I won't stop having affair activity; I refuse to go back to being sexless. I do suspect that he and I are operating under an unspoken "don't ask, don't tell" arrangement; it is possible that he believes that I have a lover or lovers and he lets me go because he knows he can't give me what I need, sexually...though he claims to love me desperately and I know he does not want to get divorced. I have asked for an open marriage in the past and he just smiled and shook his head.

Do you see our circumstances as similar or different?  Would you have even stayed in your marriage if there was ZERO sex for close to two decades?

__________________________________________________________________________________

Now friends, I know that this is no way to live long-term; please save the arguments about the sanctity of marriage...been there, done that...your words will fall on my deaf ears.

The resolution of my marriage is still a work in progress.

I am saving these words in my blog because I want to remember where I am at this point in time...


My Horoscope...Week of 1/26/12 to 2/1/12

...From Rob Breszny's Free Will Astrology

"There are works which wait and which one does not understand for a long time," said Oscar Wilde. "The reason is that they bring answers to questions which have not yet been raised; for the question often arrives a terribly long time after the answer.". I predict that sometime soon, Leo, you will prove that wisdom true. You will finally learn the brilliant question whose crucial answer you got years ago. When it arrives, you will comprehend a mystery that has been churning in the semi-darkness all this time.

The Sweet Taste of Wisdom

I met with a client today who said the following:
"If you've never eaten shit, you won't know how good food tastes". 

The next thing he said was:
"But you know what...I've had enough.  I don't have to eat shit anymore".

Hard-won wisdom, isn't it??

Uh Oh.

Yesterday, DH and I were at his urologist's for a post-surgical check-up.  At the end of the appointment, DH asked the doctor if he was the person he would see for other urological issues he was having.  The doctor asked for a little more information and DH stumbled over stating an issue or two; and one of the issues he mentioned was...

Erectile Dysfunction.

I asked DH if he wanted me to leave the room (God forbid we talk about ED between us) and he said no, he and the doctor would meet on this another time.

Crap.

Does this mean he is thinking about trying to resume our sex life???

I have such mixed feelings.

On one hand, I was very touched that he would want to try after all of this time. Not too long ago, he became aware that I have engaged in extramarital activity. He was shocked (SHOCKED, I tell you!) that I would go "outside of the marriage" for sex.  I asked him how fair it was for him to hold my sexuality hostage...that he didn't want to have sex with me, but didn't want anyone else to have sex with me either. I told him that I was sorry if I hurt him, as that wasn't the intent...but that overall I wasn't sorry that I had done it because I needed to do it for myself; to understand myself as a woman after all of the years he has rejected me.  His possible interest in having sex life now is bittersweet in the face of this discussion.

On the other hand, I fear that the sex we end up having will be routine and dispassionate; in addition to feeling like 'duty sex'.  The train may have left the station...

Well, we all know that thinking and doing are two different things, so I will see where this goes.

(sigh)

Update on DH 9-4-2011

I have had so much to say, but neither the focus nor the time to post an update.
 
So many E-Peeps have been so kind during DH’s kidney cancer diagnosis (abbreviated as RCC, for Renal Cell Carcinoma); they cheered me more than you can know and gave me great insight into what I might be expecting.
 
We spent a good part of the summer going to doctors in our city and beyond.  We were fortunate to have access to the best oncologists/surgeons in the country; the men who are on the cutting edge of research and practice for his condition.  His cancer is Stage II, encapsulated…and the size of a baseball, which is considered an “average” RCC  tumor.  Please know that RCC is considered to be a “silent killer” as it is often asymptomatic.  How was the cancer found?  DH had a stabbing pain in his side one night and went right to our family doctor, who suspected diverticulitis and ordered a CAT scan to be sure.  She was devastated to learn it was cancer.
 
(We interrupt this story for a commercial break…Listen to your body, people.  Don’t brush off that odd, stabbing pain or searing headache.  And if your doctor orders tests, get them!!)  DH almost didn’t go for the test.  The pain was there, and it went away the next day.  It returned one other time, two weeks later.  No other symptoms.  He looks and feels entirely healthy.
 
The treatment for RCC is surgery.  No radiation, no chemo unless there is metastasis, and even then it’s unlikely.  DH is having a partial nephrectomy.  They anticipate taking about 40% of his kidney, which will include the tumor, the reshape the 60% remaining into a new kidney.  This preserves his level of kidney function for years to come.
 
He ultimately chose the young and aggressive doctor at the cancer hospital in our city, rather than the expert at the famed clinic a few hours away.  He is relatively young (55) and healthy in every other way.  He is not at high risk for surgery and we felt it was much better to be close for aftercare, as it was quite likely that he will have issues related to wound care.  The incision is at least 8” wide, and they hinge open his rib to get to his kidney.  Also, the doctor is as impressive as all get-out.  And he appears to be able to back up what he believes he can do.  Our families and a solid base of friends are here.  And I can attend, in some part, to work along with his care (sigh)
 
DH’s prognosis is very good.  Because there is no indication that the cancer has metastasized, he has close to a 90% chance of recovery. 
 
His surgery will be this Friday.  It’s a tense week.  He is rather morose; waiting for the grim reaper to come.  I find myself panicky and impatient with his negativity and honestly, he doesn’t deserve that.  So this will be an exercise in great patience for me.  Not that this is anything different for us, but he is not listening to me.  I don’t mean obeying, I mean not hearing. I’ve told him three times that it’s more likely than not that he will have a private room, so I can stay with him for four days.  He says he has no idea of what to expect in the hospital; he hasn’t been an overnight patient since having his tonsils removed 47 years ago.  I told him that all those nights I spent away from him, caring for my mother in the hospital was the perfect rehearsal for this.  That he was going to have to trust me to take care of him and to work in his best interest.  I had to tell him some things to consider packing (slippers, pajama pants, toothbrush, etc.)  Of course, he is questioning my judgment in this area.
 
I always thought that we did the big things in life well together, but now I am not so sure.  I see in magnified detail how much he puts walls up; he closes himself off from life rather than opening himself up to it.  He is a fearful man…afraid of getting hurt, afraid of being wrong.  And while I feel things deeply, I am afraid of very little.  Most of you know me well enough that I grab life by the neck and shake it up till I figure it out. He said today that for 20+ years, he has heard me say that “tomorrow is not promised to us” and he finally is beginning to understand that and how precious life is.  It will be interesting to see what he does with this new awakening.  There have been many days where I’ve wondered if he would be better off with someone to whom he feels more connected, or he trusts more.  I don’t know if I am the partner he needs or wants by his side any longer.  In spite of this, I am the one he has and he deserves my best efforts.
 
So if you pray, please do so for us…mercy, grace, strength…whatever God thinks we needs, I’d like to have in good measure right now.  If you don’t pray, I know your positive thoughts and words will be a great help.

Radio MR - My Playlist 9/4/2011


Songs playing in my head for Sunday, September 4, 2011

"Runaway"  - Jefferson Starship
"1 + " - Beyonce
"Living Proof" - Bruce Springsteen
"Take Me Home Country Roads" - John Denver
>"Someone Like You" - Adele
 

ILIASM Wisdom...

In a Meebo chat with an EPeep recently, my friend said something so profound, I knew I needed to preserve it for posterity here:

"I can share family and "household" with her. I will have to give up not only sex, but also my sexuality as a core part of my being. It's really hard to realize, but also freeing in a way. As much as most of us are Sex People, we are at our core, people who crave sharing life and all that there is. I think this is you, too. And that's what breaks our hearts with our marriages. We want it all; want to share sex, too...but we can't"

...you know who you are...beautiful concept and words...

Stories from Sexyville, #2

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"Don't 'FEEL' Like it???" When??

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A 13 year-old beat us to the punch?!?!?!

http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/03/17/scented-candles-too-girly-13-year-old-invents-mancans-with-manly-smells/

My only issue is...it seems that girls can't like bacon?!?!   Why ManCans?

-MR

As Seen in Wal-Mart, Middle of the Night Edition

On Friday night, into Saturday morning,  I decided to stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a few things for my Mom's place because I was staying there for the weekend....three humidifiers (I couldn't make up my mind), two furniture slip covers, laundry baskets, some cheap but useful clothes, San Pellegrino...and more.  I ended up with two shopping carts and about $500 worth of household goods.  I was checking out and clearly the cashier was...um...not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
 
The first indication was:
Cashier: "um, my carousel is full"
Me:  "well, let's see what we can do about that...maybe we need another cart"
Cashier: "how will you push three carts?"
Me:  (not wanting to confuse him by saying the two carts would again become two carts) "I am sure I can manage"
 
The second indication:
Cashier:  "You'll have to take the fruit out of the bag"
Me:  "OK, why?"
Cashier:  (looking at a bag of four mangoes) "these are all different fruit"
Me:  "No, they're all mangoes"
Cashier:  "No, they're two different fruits, they have different codes"
Me: (taking the fruit out of the bag so I could show him they are the same) "well, let's look at them, they look completely identical, I got them out of the same crate."
Cashier:  "No, two are mangoes, two are star fruit, see the codes?" 
Me: (Stared at him incredulously and tried not to laugh)
Cashier:  "They just don't come like that, they are labeled, why would it say star fruit if it wasn't"
 
So realizing that this conversation was leading nowhere and feeling sympathy for the man behind me who only wanted to purchase two cans of Red Bull, I said:
 
"You know, I think I'll only take the mangoes and leave the star fruit behind, ok?"
 
Sometimes, being right just doesn't pay.  Knowing that I was walking out of there and I had career options other than being a Wal-Mart cashier with blind allegiance to the company instruction manual was simply its own reward...(sigh)
 
(Please know that this was totally hysterically funny at 5 am on Saturday!)
 

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